A little more than a year ago, I met someone shortly after a mutually-attended charity event and shared a conversation while having dinner with mutual friends. I had met this person before, but we had never actually took the time to get to know one another due largely to having met at parties and other such impersonal events. I will always remember that conversation as one of the deepest, most meaningful conversations I have ever had with someone in the fandom. That person was Scribblefox.

Scribblefox is an artist. An exceedingly talented one. He's also technically minded and likes to tinker with things. He also grew up with a sewing instructor/tailor mother. Combine those skills with an incredible visionary imagination and passion towards character creation and you might have some idea why this man is, in one dolphin's opinion, the most talented fursuit builder in the world. He is also, I might add, one of the most humble people I have and will ever meet.

I had seen examples of Scribblefox's work in pictures, stories and, eventually, in person when I first attended Further Confusion in 2007. I can honestly say that a picture of his suit he did for Zeke was the largest motivation I had towards learning how to sew and making my Aphinity fursuit. I could not believe the expression and emotion communicated by that bundle of faux fur, foam, and plastic. I wanted some way to do that myself.

I built Aphinity the bottlenose dolphin over the course of 3 months, much of which was spent at Trapa's apartment and in my room at my parent's house. My family, particularly my mother, is known for showing interest in projects and things that others are doing, and it was common knowledge that I was building this... costume. My grandma had a habit of following everything I did as well, and took an interest in seeing my completed costume and even checked on status a few times to see how the construction was coming. She was very impressed with the result and even took a few photos with me after insisting on having me put it on to show her. I'll never forget her smile when I first came into the room.

Sadly, my grandma passed on this past year having lived her full life of 86+ years. Her memorial was well put together, and like many, had a memory board of photos of her life with all of us. Right smack dab in the center left of that board was the photo of her standing with me wearing Aphinity.

I saw that photo and laughed. I remembered her support of me through the entire process and it just further reminded me of how much she always supported me. Truly she was one of my biggest fans for having worked so hard and completed this incredibly difficult project, not even counting the other times in my life she supported me. Uninitiated others probably wondered why there was a picture of her with a mascot on the memory board, but to me, this was key to my memory of her and all she meant to me.

I received a small mount of money from my grandma's passing, most of which was swallowed up by the last of my car loan and the car accident repair I had completed a few years back. However, the remainder was an interesting amount. I looked at the balance, realized I had paid off all of my debt.. and for whatever reason, that memory board stuck into my head again. As did Scribblefox.

See, as much as I love Aphinity, he's always been a 'first suit'. I know I can do better, but I also know only so much about the creation process and ability to convey emotion through the character's look. I do, however, know who does know how to do that, and it burned in me to have the ability to really bring the smiles to people's faces that I see when I'm with a truly impressive looking character. I want something people to want to hug.. I want them smile just by seeing him. And more than that, I want a character everyone can identify with.

I had been tinkering with the idea of a different character for some time. Most of my ideas were also cetaceans (dolphins and whales) like Aphinity, but after having done so many charity and public events, I already know the public's attitude about Aphinity. I've been called scary dolphin man too many times to ignore that most public just don't 'get' the idea of an anthro dolphin. I love him, and I will always have Aphinity in my repertoire of characters, and I DO plan to rebuild him even better, but I wanted something else. I wanted something I can connect with, and that others can too. I wanted something friendly, huggable, and universally enjoyed, but something that also identified with me. I have loved Siberian Huskies since I was 5, and I own a young female Husky whom I love dearly. My first (consistent) second life character avitar was a husky. Every reason I looked for pointed towards a Husky. So, a husky it would be.


As for a name, well, IOCO is a name many people in the Metro Vancouver area of Canada will identify with. It's the name of a major road in the Burnaby/Coquitlam area which leads to an area that is often referred to as "IOCO", much like other areas of vancouver like "kitsilano" and "yaletown". Originally I had thought this name was some kind of unique sounding native name or similar with some kind of historical significance, and on that assumption, I carried through with the name. It was months later that I found the actual source of the name; Imperial Oil Company. I-O-Company. IOCO. Thinking I'd have to ditch the name in favor of something less.. corporate, I got to thinking about a back story. What if little ioco was born to parents who worked at the refinery? That would make him Canadian, like me, and put his roots close to where mine are. Ok, this is working! I like this! So, I now have a character species, a back story, and an idea of what feelings I want the character to convey in people. Oh, and I'd better spell it ioco rather than with the capital I, or people will think he's a bit LOCO. heh.

I made a point of asking Scribblefox the next time I saw him about the possibility of getting a commission. He was quick to offer a slot for me! However, I think when I described the source of the money and the reasons for me getting the commission, the true meaning of this suit came through to him. On some odd level, I know my grandma would have wanted me to do this, and without her, it wouldn't be possible.

I know for a fact that Scribblefox bent over backwards and sideways, metaphorically speaking, building ioco to be the best he can. A husky only has so many ways to be unique compared to the dozens already in the fandom, yet, he managed to make an extraordinarily unique character. I lost count of how many times I would get an update saying "Part X is just about ready.. I'm fussing over it." Shortwave Husky also contributed greatly by offering his limited stock of AMAZING grey husky fur for use on ioco. Michael did an exceptional job in his assistance as well!

The care and attention to detail on every single little thing would have taken me by surprise had I not already known Scribblefox to be this type of person. Just some of the features include the individually padded pawpads, PERFECTLY shaped husky ears based on my real life husky Jade, little white patches at the base of the back of the ears, the intensely happy expression, exactingly calculated eye colour, a bodysuit that fits better than most of my clothes do with flexibility and padding exactly where it needed to be, perfectly shaped and tweaked internal head shape and jaw position, handpaws and footpaws made from tracings of my hands and feet, and airbrushed and perfectly matched markings on the head that not only resembled all the qualities of a Siberian Husky, but also match with my own personal eyebrow pattern and result in a fleur de lie which represents my mother's french-canadian roots.

With Michael's assistance, Scribblefox has created a character with details and features that not only capture the exact feeling I want to convey, but also the true spirit of the costume's origins. I find myself looking at ioco and can't help but smile... and in some way, remember my Grammy.

...

I can't express my gratitude in any tangible way to describe how exited I am to have ioco. I think the only thing that comes close is when I got my SRT-4. I only hope I can perform him in a way that reflects the feelings this suit.. and his builder, have managed to bring to me through this whole process.


Scribblefox, Michael.. thank you so very, very much. *wags his tail and gives you both a BIIIIIIIG hug*

.. and thank you Grammy.

PS: If you want more pictures, you can find them on One Fur All Studio's website. Also, check out my Fur Affinity page!

Ah, the joys of technology allow me to make this joyous, festive post.

I am currently beside cricket in a greyhound bus about 63 kms out of westbank in BC, looking at the beautiful stars.. The snow.. The oil spewing out of the back of the bus while a very clattery caterpillar diesel tries to stay running and keep us warm. Sadly, that same engine is also filling the full loaded cab with oily smoke and suffocating us. Oh joy, a little girl just spewed in behind our seat.

And now the engine is stopped. Gotta love that sound of the broken rod hittng the side of the block when the engine was just cranked over. Yup, already starting to get cold in here. One guy suggested we burn some luggage to keep warm. Not so sure we need any more caustic fumes in here.. Heh.

All you can do is laugh, and hope they get a bus here soon to get us to westbank and kelowna soon!

Why this marvelously jolly bus trip in the first place? Cicket's family invited me to spend Christmas with them, and cricket didn't get to see her family last year during the holidays. I'm starting to regret not driving...

Yay for Siku's burfday!

Shep opened his house up to all of us fuzzy types in celebration of that special day for the husky .. I mean wolf.. guy we all enjoy spending time with! Siku! I showed up with some burfday balloons in tow for the already tipsy wolf type and received a few comments in regards to the decorative objects' size. I dunno. They seemed small to me... :P

Shep and Lace contributed generously so that everyone had lots of food. Burgers, smokies, and Shep's home-made chili made our bellies nice and full and our minds slightly more coherant with the majority of the attendance consuming numerous inebriating beverages. Never good to drink on an empty stomach, confusious say. I also whipped up some TakoYaki on my takoyaki grill and they were well received from what I could tell.

Dancing. Oh ya, there was dancing. I think Shep needs a bit of a stereo system upgrade in the basement, but a smoke machine, strobe, black lights, and Whiteyfawks' ipod provided enough beats to keep us dancing around in costume. Dancing in general never really interests me, but dancing in fursuit... I dunno why, but it's just so much more fun for me! Terk was dancing with us and always impressive with his energy on the dance floor. Shep was being quite huggy and happy as he always is (don't ever change dude), and Lace was his usual chill, cute "skunk" self. Oh right. Wolf. Oops. :P

The obligatory youtube video search and viewing came later as we all sat and burned off the remaining braincells we could for the evening. I left with Rat and Delmir and drove home in a most unorthadox route that sadly Whiteyfawks decided to tail me on. I think I got home at 5:30 am or so. Ah yes, good times.

Shep.. you gotta hold more parties dude. Happy birthday Siku!

You know, my job at Mac Station a few years back might have been low paying and high stress, but boy, did I ever meet some incredible people out of it.

One such person is a guy named Greg Fawcett. An ex National Geographic photographer, current film worker, stuntman, and animal trainer. One of the most interesting people I've ever met, and someone who's truly lived his life from his heart. I've kept up with him for a few years since leaving Mac Station through computer favors and brief conversations thanks to our common interests in animals and the like. He still, to this day, talks about 'taking over the world' with me.. at least in terms of a beamingly successful business in tourism or animal interaction or something. Hey, the future could hold such things for us!

As part of what he has involved himself with, Greg works with a group called Action Animals who provides exotic animals to movies and TV as well as special live events. It had been years that I had an open invitation to come and see the place but Greg was out of town so often, it never seemed to pan out for a visit. Well, yesterday, that changed.

I went down with two close friends, Trapa and Rye, both animal lovers and people I knew could appreciate the visit the most. That's never an easy choice though.. picking between friends. I'm sorry to those I couldn't bring along :( Rye and I slept over at Trapa's place after Uni's furmeet on Saturday night (wow... I sure had fun that night) and left directly for Abbotsford to meet Greg at 9:30am on the day of the daylight savings shift.

The facility is on probably between 20 and 50 acres of property from what I could see (and judging by the surrounding land and fences). The animals are kept in enclosures at night and during events that are larger than I've seen at some zoos, although not so large that they're difficult to manage. They have all kinds of incredible animals, including Bengal Tigers, a panther, cougar, leopard, racoons, baboons, and numerous types of wolves.



The tigers were really awesome, along with the rest of the big cats. A quick chuff was enough for Greg to know that most of the tigers we went up to see were receptive to having us there. They have at least 3 tigers. One common theme amoungst the animals was that if they were receptive to us (and nearly all of them were), they'd rub against the fence or bars of their enclosure to let us touch them and get pet in the process. We were all quite happy to do so!

There were quite a few highlights to the all too brief visit. First off, Greg's stories about the animals were incredible. He had personal stories or information about every single animal and knew each one and their personalities like I would know any of the dolphins I worked with. Some of his stories were all too real and reminded me of the dangers of working with undomesticated, wild animals. Still, his love for what he did shined through like only a truly passionate person could.



Another highlight was definitely the wolves. I have never been close enough to wolves to really get an idea of how they behave, but I sure did this day. Plus, hearing their chorus howling, as well as the snarling aggressive display the alpha male gave us after a while, were all eye openers to how they really were. The contrast between the different wolves was incredible, whether it be contentment or malace, timidness or boisterousness, they all had a look of definite intelligence and a vague familiarity to all the dogs I've known and somehow compared to wolves. How wrong I was to do that. These are NOTHING like dogs. Their posturing and temperament alone was enough to build that separation in my thinking. I have every respect for people who choose wolf as their fursona :)



It was difficult to leave for sure. We all felt incredible afterward and couldn't shake the images and stories from what we had seen.

In fact, we were so enthralled with the animal time that my suggestion (or was it Draaz'?) of going to the aquarium was welcomed with open arms! So.. we went! We did all the typical stuff visitors there do with me trying to play tour guide as much as i could. Much to our mutual dismay, it seems everyone else in vancouver had decided to go to the aquarium that day too. Crowds were thick and impassible at times and made for difficult viewing for the scheduled shows, but with Draaz and Lisa buying memberships, I think we'll be back soon enough :)

How do we end such a great day? All you can eat sushi! My friend Michele (Mike to some) joined us, as well as Loial, and we all nammed massive quantities of raw fish and cooked japanese goodness at "Fish on Rice" near Metrotown in Burnaby. Great restaurant for $20!

So.. that's it.. now back to your regularly scheduled work life!

Late post, but it has to be done.

Further Confusion, again, surprised me in it's ability to entertain. This year was particularly interesting in the extra items I was involved with.

As usual, one theme prevailed. There was NEVER enough time to do everything. While there were idle times to walk around and have fun, it seemed that all the key times (like Saturday, for instance) were so jam packed that I had to pick and choose what I went to and what I didn't. I am very sad to say I missed out on some incredible people and events due to this (including Selkit and Chaos wolf's engagement party.. I'm so so sorry :( )

First off, it was quite interesting meeting up with people on Saturday night for our first annual "Furry Looner" get together. Those who don't know the term looner can probably easily find it on google. In any case, it was neat meeting others into it when I used to think I was the only one!

Second, anyone who attended FC probably saw or at least heard about our Pirate skit. Amran came to me in the summer sometime and suggested that we should redo the pirate skit that we did so successfully at Rainfurrest. I couldn't see why not, and gladly agreed to be part of it. We amassed others including WhitePaws, North, and Madius (Squeaky), setting out to finish our recruit at FC itself since nobody seemed keen on committing and we had some troubles deciding a story.

Once the con came around, we quickly grew our numbers as people we had talked to started to show interest in helping. So many, in fact, that a suggestion of incorporating the asian theme of the con into the skit was now possible; Pirates vs Ninjas!

In the end, we had our dashing pirate crew of Captain Amran the foxcat, Beef Jerky the husky, WhitePaws the husky puppy, Markus the fox, Aphinity the drunk dolphin, Squeaky the rat, and Babs. The Ninjas were headed by the masterful Ninja North the thieving Great Dane puppy, followed by Nitro the German Shepherd, Spark the foxwolf, Treevor the black Labrador, and Rennie the fox. A great cast indeed!



Though I missed much of the con doing so, North, Amran, and myself spent a great deal of time (and one very late night) writing a complete script and planning and running rehersals. They went well with some exceptions, the largest of which being COMMUNICATION! It's the LAST time I go to a con without a US cel phone! $1.73 a minute just doesn't cut it when trying to reach people. Well, and there was one more exception, but nothing we couldn't work out.

The show itself was received EXTREMELY well! I was blown away at the applause we got, and the chanting for 'pirates' and 'ninjas' afterwards to match with the usual ninjas chant (meant to encourage stage ninjas). It was a high I still haven't lived down, and I'll never forget it.

The rest of the con? In brief... great friends, great fursuiting, and another reminder that, indeed, it IS possible to still enjoy life after the year I had last year. Jeeze, I sure needed that reminder!

FC 2009, how I anticipate thee :)

I finally win at tea brewing!

I know it seems silly, but for whatever reason, until today, I have NEVER been able to make myself a cup of tea that didn't taste like a warmed up cup of spiced vinegar. It always had that terrible taste of overbrewed tea.. or whatever it is that you call it.

I'VE FOUND THE SECRET! (I think)

I always use a teapot. It just.. is cooler.. or something. I dunno. When I do, I have now discovered that with bagged tea, always add the water FIRST, and THEN add the tea bag!

Simple, right? For some reason or another, pouring the water over the teabag makes it have that terrible taste. I just had one of the better cups of green tea that I've had in a while, and this was the only change I made.

So.. w00t for me!

Oh.. and I'm really starting to get revved up about FC being only 2 weeks away... YAY!

Why is it, every new year, everyone suddenly springs up parties out of nowhere that supersede and compete directly with the parties other people had already setup?

I'm in that situation. Same group of friends, two parties, and yet another party on top of that which I have to pick from, and all of them furry related! One is with close friends. The next is with a good group of local furs. The next is a group of fursuiters who are also local furs (and friends). Gah!

Why must our community constantly separate and segregate like this? It's... SO BLOODY FRUSTRATING! :(

So.. again.. I'm going to be party hoping. What else can I do? I certainly can't start my OWN party and separate us all further! I know some people like to have private parties, and that's fine.. but... :(

In an attempt to surround myself with friends and just have a good time (to hopefully shake the feelings I briefly went over in my last post), Orka, Loial, and myself drove down to Bellevue, Washington to visit with Kae, WhitePaws, Aloha, D-Wolf at their house for their monthly furmeet.

We didn't arrive until after 9pm, but fun was still had sitting around and talking, playing pool on D-Wolf's new pool table, surfing youtube, fursuiting with AxelRoo and a local fur who borrowed Axel's Green carebear suit, and getting excessively annoyed at the Portal ending music that Aloha kept playing. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

The next day, we went to leave for some lunch and Orka, who had slept in the car with the engine running all night, went outside to prepare his '96 mustang GT convertible for the trip. He put the top down, forgetting that his cushioned dust pad was placed inside the back where the roof folded up. It got most of the way in when we heard . Rear window shattered everywhere :( While we all felt terrible at this happening, nothing could be done, so we made the best of it and headed out. All 11 or so of us had some burgers and the like at a local Red Robin. Uneventful. Stupid 50c weighted ball game kept giving me bouncy balls and I wanted a cheap ass plushie! Oh well.

We left and antics ensued with green laser pointers along street signs and mirrors of Aloha's car. Arriving back at the fur house, we picked up Whitepaws and Synth wolf and headed to our intended destination - Frys Electronics.

Now, this is a week before Christmas. This was one busy place, even at 5:30 on a Sunday. Whitepaws, Synth and myself had decided it would be fun to try to fursuit in Frys for the heck of it. Maybe we'd brighten someone's day. Maybe we'd get kicked out immediately. Either way, it seemed like a fun idea.

Kae took my camera and was told to take photos. he did.. although none of us actually going inside, with people staring and laughing.. pointing, waving.. typical reaction to three grown men walking around in full animal costume in public. We went through the turnstyle and one of the staff approached Kae and told him he could not take photos inside the store, but it was fine if we wanted to go around in costume (or something to that effect). Of course, we had quite a few spotters with us as well, so things looked as though they were planned quite effectively for us to be there.

We lasted about 10 or 15 minutes. I can't be sure 'cause the time passed very quickly. One young kid was very unsure of us but her dad kept encouraging her. No dice. People that we passed seemed to either completely ignore us, cheer us on, or give us glares. There was a definite equal mix of reactions. Some people were laughing with us, giving sincere compliments on our costumes either to us or to their friends, and the kids all gave us lots of waves and even a few high fives. Ah.. the fun of mascot work!

We had passed some group of guys who most definitely didn't seem too keen on us being there. Whether he was a customer, or a secret shopper staff member, I could swear he was the one to ask us to leave with a few guys in suits standing near us. We looked at him, looked at each other, exchanged a few words that we were cleared to come in, and shrugged, nodded and walked directly to the exit. Either this guy in grey really didn't like us, or didn't like something he saw, i suppose. I don't know what that could have been. Either way, we had our fun, and that was it for Frys.



We walked across the parking lot with intentions of doing the same thing in Lowes. Strangely, the manager of that store was walking out of the building in the parking lot and spotted us. Kae explained that we were just looking for photo ops, and he said that was no problem at all, but please do not go into the store with masks on. We agreed and took a few photos in a race car shopping cart. With Petsmart closed across the street, thus ended our fursuiting adventure for the day.



We decided to go into Frys afterwards and speak to the general manager, thanking him for letting us come in. He was quite receptive to having us in there, and he even exclaimed "We thought it was great." Obviously no hard feelings, a few hand shakes, and WhitePaws and myself went back to meet up with the others to leave.

Hehe.. I am happy to report that, despite being terribly depressed in lots of ways, I was able to have a great time, and I'm once again reminded of just how incredible my friends are. I am so very lucky to have them in my life. All of you. :)

A journey's end upon a fire,
a phoenix light to my desire.

Through journeys full our minds do ponder
onto the skies and clouds we wander
of good and bad, of happenstance
of those we love, and those we chance
both fickle pride and profound sorrow
can come from this, the life we borrow
to be ourselves escapes our grasp
idealistic ego is all we clasp
and yet, to break and show our soul
leads but to judgement, an endless hole.

Take pride in the life you lead
and hide it not; exclaim your creed
for those that take and grab ahold
will hold foreverlong like gold.
Those that don't may seldom know
the treasures lost on seas below.

At times our lives do take a bend
and truth is hard and not to mend.
Those true of heart do take us for
a fragile heart which at the core
they dare not harm, they dare not take
but sorrow comes by no mistake.
To know love and to know its truth
joy and pain traverse like youth.
To care is one, to love is two,
judgements change all but a few
and those that take the stain of mark
form partnerships of wood and bark
to sprout and thrive and blossom through
.. but that is but the chosen few.

The choice of love or hidden fact
is not a choice, but final act
for the two cannot be spread
apart like slices of some bread.
Best to end and start anew;
The flame of life seems to acrue.

A journey's end upon a fire,
a phoenix light to my desire.


"Only once we've lost everything are we free to do anything."

Goodbye Steph. I will always love you.

Wow.

It's been over a week since the party, and a week since halloween has passed, and I'm still dwelling on things!

First off came Shep's party. Jeeze.. what a great time! He invited over a bunch of us and made this HEAPING pile of food for everyone.. and naturally, silliness ensued and soon we were throwing pillows, dancing.. spilling wine on Shep's laptop.. you know, all the fun stuff!



The Halloween party was a fabulous success. When I received a compliment from nearly every single person who attended, I know that things went well. Whew! I admit, I put in far too little time to preparation than I should have. Everyone was complimenting me, but really, the group of people who came to this event were who needed the thanking. EVERYONE helped out. I barely even feel like I ran the party at all! I am so happy that it worked out!

North came early and helped with setup, and basically dedicated himself to the party to ensure things ran well and the fursuit games were done right. Gawd that was generous! So many people donated food and drink to the event that we were all plenty fed (I hope). Orka, Mousepaws, GustyFox, Yotie, Lemony, Lunar, Earthfurst, Keela (awesome DJ work dude!), and.. i'm sorry, I just can't remember all the names of the people who helped and brought stuff! EVERYONE did! Thank you all!

Probably the most fun I had all night was at the fursuit games, and the dance. The musical chairs was a heated battle in the end between myself, P-Dawg, and Kodi, all fighting down to the wire with P-Dawg hip-checking me off of the chair to get to the finals. Hey, totally fair move. Doesn't stop me from being bitter, though :P



Now.. Halloween day. I figured I'd wind up doing nothing and sitting around home, dealing with trick or treaters. Well, I did do that.. but the real fun came later when Kodi, Lace, and RJ showed up and pulled me along to a trip downtown... in fursuit!

We took the seabus and walked all through downtown, including down Granville, Robson, Davie, and Burrard. RJ was wearing his 'human' suit and was appointed as our official 'photographer' and spotter, which was a good thing. I was punched in the face, had my tail pulled a bunch of times, and was walked into quite a few times. Having someone nearby who could help with those situations made things a little nicer for sure.

I lost track of how many times we were stopped for photos. I mean, how often do you see a walking dolphin, a black wolf, and a werewolf walking together down the street?



What an awesome Halloween! Probably the best ever! I can't wait for next year!!

First off, thanks a TON to northing and terkwolf for putting up with my sorry dolphin ass for the whole weekend down in Seattle! And.. thanks to siku_wolf for letting me hitch a ride! I still think you should fix that car dude. Your are NOT trading UP by going to an 1987 2.8L camaro.

I really have to thank northing in particular for dragging me down to the museum of flight at Boeing field. Wow.. what an incredible tour guide he was! As he mentioned in one of his recent journal postings, he has now been interviewed for a position there, and boy.. I can't imagine someone better for the job! It was like I was on tour, only I knew the furry jokes and references would be understood.... :)

I'll just skip over that night entirely. It was mostly a mass confusion of drunken fursuiting, movies, and food (good food though, thanks AGAIN North!). Sunday, Siku and myself opted to stay around to watch the Funday Pawpet show. In the show, a whole lot of nothing was happening as far as subservient fursuiters, so I got the wild idea that we should offer to webcam all 4 of us in costume to the show! I managed to get in touch with someone at the show, but he sadly suggested that the bandwidth would be a big issue. So, we made a video instead! It didn't make it onto the show this past week, but on Oct 7th, it should be!



Sadly, the remainder of the week pales in comparison to the weekend. I'm getting more and more frustrated with work and the politics of the owners. I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I guess, more fursuiting is in order!

Hey all,

I know it's been ages since I posted here, and my last entry left a bit of a negative slant on the way things were going. Well, most would argue that things didn't improve since that journal entry, but I'm still here, and while I'm not 100% health wise, I'm not letting it affect me if I can help it. The medication is working for the most part and most of my symptoms are manageable. Thankfully my government assistance on my medication has kicked in and I can enjoy free prescriptions until the end of the year! At that point, it's another $1600 before it kicks in again, but .. better than nothing.

First, an update on the health stuff. I've been on Vencomiacin twice now to kill of a bacterial infection that was found shortly after leaving the hospital. Ironically, my doctor had said repeatedly that my symptoms pointed to Crohn's disease, but a CDIF bacterial infection would also look this way in -nearly- every respect. We're both hoping this might be all it is (which is not going away anytime soon, but it's better than a lifelong illness). I'll post results as I get 'em.

Most people who know me know that 3 weeks after leaving the hospital, I took a trip down with a bunch of furs to Seattle to hit up Boeing surplus while it's still around, and just generally hang out with friends. At around 7:30 on Saturday morning, I made a left turn from a stop sign across a blind intersection, only to have a speeding kid, going about 50mph on this residential street, swerve away into my lane to 'avoid' me, correct, and t-bone my 2004 SRT4 on the driver side. It rotated the car into the opposite curb and destroyed my new 18" billet rim as well as the suspension on that side, besides the irreparable damage done to the drivers side of the car. Most people who see the damage (www.bluesrt4.com) say I'm lucky to be alive.

Even with 5 witness statements, including two from people I didn't know, and the repeated admission at the scene that he was 'late for school and was going to be expelled if he didn't get there', ICBC and all the laywers I consulted said that none of my evidence would hold up in court and assigned 100% blame to me. Oh ya, I should mention... i didn't have collision coverage at the time. I'm expecting repairs to be around 10k once everything is done. The over $900 tow bill back to Vancouver was thankfully covered by ICBC roadstar. I'm awaiting parts so I can begin repairing the car with the help of my great friend Andrew, who works at Elite autobody.

To continue with the 'woe is me' type stuff, I found out about a few months ago that Volker Deecke, the whale researcher I've worked with for the last 2 or 3 years, needed a hand for another Alaska research trip. I asked for the 2 weeks I'd need off of work, but my boss put the kaibash on that real quick and said I'd already taken enough time off (not including the hospital). So, I had no choice but to decline the offer to go. Then I found out that apparently Volker is moving to Scottland after this to take up a research position there. That means.. this was likely my last chance to ever work with the equipment I built, and to get out on the water in a research designation. Ya... I was very upset. Who knows what the future holds tho, I suppose. It took me years to get that place though. :(

Ok.. NOW for the happy stuff!!

To say I've had a shitty year is a tremendous understatement, as I'm sure is evident in the paragraphs above. Still, all is not lost! Financially, emotionally, and physically, I've had a lot of trouble thinking positive, but my family, my girlfriend Steph (I love you babe), and all my friends have been there for me and have lifted me up when I felt like I couldn't stand a moment longer. I am still an amazingly lucky person and I care for you all deeply... truly.

I might as well mention a few of the things I've had fun with this Summer.

RC Cars - I got into these again by buying a used 1/8th scale gas buggy off of a forum posting I found while I was in the hospital. I can't believe how much fun i've had with that thing. I got out to two races this year, and hopefully will get to more before the end of the season, plus found friends who I knew in the past who had gotten into the hobby as well. In fact, I was out until close to 10 ripping up a baseball diamond with some friends at Mahan park in North Vancouver last night! There are a few pics of my cars here: http://www.tailslap.com/RC/

Cooking - Ok, I was bored and had nothing to do in that hospital bed, so I figured.. why not learn to cook? Ok, well, I failed in that department, but I DID get an appreciation for cooking that I didn't have before! I've become a halfway decent sushi chef and I've made the stuff a few times for myself and family. It's fun! Hopefully Thai and chinese cooking is next on the agenda.

Furry - Ok.. wow.. have I ever been relying on this to keep me happy. And it's worked! I always knew that being around my furry friends made me happy, and so I've tried to ensure I got out to as many furry events as I can. This past weekend was Rainfurrest, a startup con in Seattle that my buddy Trappa started up with a guy named Gene. Wow.. what a blast that was! I spent a great deal of time with WhitePaws, Terk, and Amran doing fursuting related stuff at the dances and otherwise. We even won the Masquerade with our "pirates" skit!



I can't believe how incredible the fursuits were at this event. I know my fursuit is only my first attempt at making one, but when I'm standing beside suits from latin vixen, scribblefox, and whiteyfawks, it's difficult to think overly highly of my lowly dolphin costume.
http://www.tailslap.com/furry/rainfurrest0-2007/slides/DSC_1474.JPG

The whole event was awesome. I became staff in short order when they needed help with reg, and from what I can tell, it looks like I'll wind up running registration next year. Trappa even called me up to the front during closing ceremonies for a round of applause for my help with the con. I really don't think I deserved that, but it was flattering nonetheless! I was in fursuit at the time too, so it made it particularly unique :)

well, that's about all I can put for now. I have to get to work! Thank you all for your support, and with luck, my future postings will be on positive notes!

*squeak!*

Seventeen days in the hospital, and no notable change to my condition. Less pain and nausea, which is nice, but I still can't eat. This could only mean one thing to my doctor and myself. There's no way this much pain and discomfort is supposed to take this long to heal. There's something more going on here.

Another colonoscopy was done. Two possible outcomes could have come out of it. First, they could have discovered those white membranes on the lining of the bowel to indicate a CDIF bacterial infection. Second, they could not see them, and see the ulcers and swelling indicative of Chrones Disease. One is treated with antibiotics and everything returns to normal. The other is a lifelong disease that never goes away. I was hoping... praying... pleading... they'd see those white things. It was my last chance at my old life.

Nope. I have Chrones Disease.

This is a little more involved than the ulcerated colitis I was originally diagnosed with. While both affect the bowel, Chrones Disease affects both the large bowel (colon) as well as part or all of the small bowel. In my case, a few inches of small bowel appear to be affected. Chrones is basically the most active and serious bowel-centric disease you can be diagnosed with.

What is it? To put it in the simplest terms I can, it is the body's overreaction to some type of trigger in the digestive tract, causing the bowel to swell and thicken, becoming ulcerated (sores on the lining). This prevents food from travelling down it and being absorbed properly. It includes serious bouts of cramps and pain when liquid and food goes past those areas, as well as nausea. It's the most uncomfortable and agonizing feeling I can possibly think of.

Specifically, those with Chrones disease have a body who's immune system does not know how to return the bowel to normal state after a flair up, thanks to the 'memory' of our body's immune system. The same thing that keeps me from getting the same cold a second time is also making my bowel turn red and painful and stay that way. "Oh, last time this happened, I inflammed the bowel, so I'm going to do that again."

I cried. Hard. It's not every day you get told that you have a life altering disease that will never go away, particularly at 27 years old. There is no cure, and there is no known single trigger. Maintenance drugs are taken every day to hopefully prevent a relapse, but most people with the disease have an average chance of relapse of 30% per year, often multiple occurances. That could involve hospitalization again, but most likely involves time off of work in the very least and serious diet restrictions when the relapse occurs. Relapses can last for weeks or even months. Of course, I can't eat most of the things I could once eat either. There is also a high probability that I will require surgery to remove part or all of my bowel or colon sometime in my life as scar tissue builds up.

My doctor, Michael Hahn, is an absolutely great guy. He was very sympathetic with me yesterday and yet straight to the point, knowing full well I was bottling up how I really felt. He explained absolutely everything to me and even showed me specific pictures of my bowel vs a regular bowel so I understood why the diagnosis was such. He really truely cares that I know exactly why things are happening how they are. I can't imagine a more patient, knowledgable, or capable doctor to treat me for this disease. If I have anything to be thankful of all of this, I am utterly greatful that however it happened, he was the doctor assigned to my care.

I had no problem expressing my feelings when I was finally rolled out of the operating room where they did the camera work. The reality hit me that I will never feel normal again in my life and I'm now a drug dependant. The nurse gave me tissues and comforted me as much as she could. I can only imagine having to see people like me get this kind of news day in and day out.

So, what's next? Dr Hahn is confident in a drug that has come around in the past 5 years called Remicade. It is a specifically targetted drug that is designed to block an overproduction of some type of immune system chemical that causes over inflammation in some people. It is used to treat people with my condition as well as arthritis and a few others. Without this drug, surgery was the only option, so I'm happy to have it available, although the costs do scare me. Hospital stay will include the costs of the drug initially, but there's a good chance I will need repeated single doses over the next year or two as well to keep things from coming back.

This is in addition to the maintenance drugs I will be on. Just the maintenance drugs themselves (I've been told) cost about $900 every 6 months, plus $240 per month for another drug. Remicade is insanely expensive. I've been told each dose is dependent on weight, and for me, it will cost between $3000 and $4000 per dose. Thankfully, canadian pharmacare is likely to provide assistance with this part. Hard to believe that tiny liquid bag the size of my hand is worth so much freaking money.

So, what does this mean? It means I can't eat just anything anymore. I am now lactose intolerant, apparently. I also can't eat fiber ridden foods. There might be more, but I don't know yet. It means I will be very susceptible to infection in the future (because remicade will block my body's ability to swell when an infection hits). It means I'll be dependent on medication and medical insurance for the rest of my life, and the costs involved (which is still upwards of $2000 a year even with insurance). It means.. my health is no longer something I can trust. I may have to put off future plans for whale research trips and travel plans. Then again, who knows.

As I sit here, my first dose of Remicade slowly coursing into my arm, all I can think about is how things really will work out when I'm finally ready to go home ... whenever that will be.

Hey all,

Well, there's a reason you haven't heard any update since my last post. Last Sunday, my parents said enough was enough and brought me into Lions Gate Hospital to deal with this situation. I was badly dehydrated and I'm told my kidneys had basically shut down, and my bowel condition had deteriorated as well.

Well, needless to say, I went through a few very tough and painful days and nights getting to some ability to function again. I'm still here, in good ol' room 418, slowly losing my mind as I listen to the geriatric patients cough up their lungs and moan in the night (no joke). Thankfully, I have a great roommate, Tim, who quietly keeps me company while I let the docs here slowly calm down my insides with steriods, flagil, saline drip, hydrocortizone, tylenol, and OH so much BOOST energy drink. I don't care. At least I'm eating SOMETHING again. I went nearly two weeks with little to no food before I got here.

I've lost so much weight that even walking around tires me out now and makes me light headed. What sucks is it really isn't much fat that I've lost.. it's almost all muscle. I still can't eat anything remotely normal, so until my gut recovers from this "colitis" or whatever they're calling it, I won't be able to really get better. They figure another week or so before I'm well enough to return home and resume life there, although it may be months before I will be 'normal'. Until then, I now have my laptop (thanks to my dad and my boss Gordon), I've jerry-rigged the 1960s phone line in the wall to work with dialup (much to the surprise of the TV/phone guy here), scammed a dialup account from my ISP, and I'm online! w00T!

Anyway, that's things so far. They haven't told me whether I have a chronic condition or whether this is just something that will pass, but I should know soon enough whether this will be my new life challenge or whether I just have to stop stressing out quite as much. Either way, I'm feeling well enough to sit here and type this, so I'm not doing too bad I guess. Once the ulcers heal (sigmoid ulcers, I'm told), I should get much less pain, and feel somewhat normal. Until then...

Thank you everyone for all your well wishes, and for the many of you who have stopped to see me. I will try to keep you updated.

*groans*

Let me set the stage a little bit. About a month ago, I was helping my dad get rid of some branches from our back yard thanks to the lovely bunch of white stuff Vancouver managed to get this year. Some trees and shrubs had been knocked over and were now very nice and dead. He cut them down, I helped to load them into his pickup truck and haul them away. Somewhere in there, a branch with lovely 1 inch spines on it somehow got stuck inside the back of the truck. It managed to wip from it's recoiled state into the top of my right hand, right on the side of my knuckle (and embedded in bone) on my 3rd finger. It swelled up like a balloon, and put me in huge pain. Enter the wonderful world of the medical system.

I will warn you, I don't skip on details here. Don't read if you don't wanna know.

The first doc at the clinic on Sunday said not to do anything. It would calm itself down. I couldn't move my hand at all and I was in severe pain, but apparently that's fine. My personal doc saw it on Monday, freaked out (having worked with tendons and hands as a specialty for a while) and instantly put me on one of the wonderful DRAINO type drugs called Cloxacilin (a variant of Penicillin) to get rid of this severe infection before I lost the use of my hand permanently. That was all well and good. My hand calmed down, and after 10 days, things seemed to be returning to normal.

Well.. not quite.

About 3 days before I went off this 'draino', I got diarrhea. Apparently these wonderful antibiotics can wipe out the 'good bacteria' in your gut called 'flora bacteria' and cause this. Well, somewhere in there, something else must have gotten into me, because I suddenly got VERY sick. I had intense bowel pain that only got worse. I went through the weekend and part of that week in bed, resting and eating/drinking when I could (which wasn't often). I became so dehydrated, I actually had a moment of psychosis where I completely freaked out and lost control mentally of the real world. It was really freaky. That was somewhere in the night after I had gotten up for the 14th time to get to the washroom. I didn't sleep more than 20 minutes in two days, and only a few hours at best the days after. I began taking a supplement called "Acidophilus", and later, something similar called "Bio-K" that is meant to restore the flora bacteria in your gut. Who knows if it's helping or not.

I started to recover by about Thursday afternoon and was able to work that Friday. This was good, because the monthly furmeet was at my house that weekend! I managed to get through the meet with moderate pain, but was able to cope. Also, a lovely new addition to my problems came about starting on the Saturday. Blood. I won't say from where, but you can probably guess. Monday, I wasn't feeling quite as well, but still went into work. I also had a blood test done.

Tuesday, things began all over again and I was more sick than I had ever been. I now saw more blood coming from me than anything else. I was also now feeling very intense, focussed pain at my midsection below my belly button whenever I ate or drank. Both my stool test and blood test showed no pathogenic bacteria or parasites. Great. Why did I have so many white blood cells in the stool test to start with then? The next day, I saw a surgeon, who put a small camera in me at his office and found I was severely irritated and said that's where the blood was coming from. Great. He gave me a prescription for something called hydrocortizone enima, which sounded freaking gross considering I had to do it myself, but you know what? I was willing to try anything.

At least now, I can sleep. I put this liquid stuff into me and it's like instant relief. Sadly, I can only take it once a day, so during the day (like now) I still have to deal with the pain as it comes and goes. That means no work.. no walking around.. no doing ANYTHING but sitting still and hoping I don't pass out from the pain when it comes. Tylenol helps slightly, but I have to limit how much of it I take.

And so.. here I am... trying to eat, trying to drink, and trying to cope with this situation. It's been 3 days now with little to no improvement (and 2.5 weeks since I've felt even slightly normal), and I'm wondering if I'll ever be quite myself again after this. I go into Lions Gate Hospital on Tuesday so this Surgeon can get a better look inside of me and see how bad things really are, and get a biopsy. I admit, I'm freaking scared this is something much worse than we all thought. I can't imagine this kind of pain and this much blood is 'normal' for an irritated bowel. I don't wanna carry around a poop bag for the rest of my life :(

All I know is, i've never felt this sick. The pain is manageable, but it's the most uncomfortable feeling I can possibly describe. There is no relief and no escape from it. I hope nobody else ever has to go through what I've been through this past few weeks.

Well, maybe another movie will take my mind off of it. *sighs*

Hi everyone!

An empty journal is a sad journal, so I guess it's about time I post something here. I have to warn everyone; my posts here will likely be few and far between.

What's going on with me? Nothing to speak of really. I recently got back from Further Confusion 2007 with a whole whackload of people from the Vancouver area. JEEZE did I have fun! Anyone who is on the fence on whether to attend this furry con needs to know just how amazing of a time I had there as a newcomer. Dancing, fursuiting, friends, food, partying, the artists, merchandise, and even the trip there and back were all highlights for me. Orka and Trapa get special thanks for everything they did for me, but really, I should be thanking everyone who I spent time with, and that list is just too long to list (or remember.. hehe).

I'm sitting here at work at the end of a long day, figuring out exactly what it is they have me doing here. I'm apparently in sales.. officially.. but really, I wind up doing most of the technical stuff at the office here and direct the genius of a technical guy that we hired a few months back to help me out and maintain the servers. We'll see how it goes. Looks like I"ll be helping out with some promo contests and stuff too so I might be getting some trips to future events and stuff. Jack of all trades might be the best word for me at this point.

I really don't know what else to say, so I'm just not going to. Time to download 2 sense so I can listen on the way home. Bai!